Of Milkdrinkers and Bloodguzzlers
by Anastasia Adagio
Summary: In which the bald Twins meet their match in the Ra'zac, whom remain confused throughout the ordeal.


Glint's claws skittered, drawing a cork screw of splintered gouges into the fist-sized ruby she clutched. She scowled and spun it again, its faceted surface throwing crimson flecks onto the gilded wall behind her. "He wantsss us to _what_?"

"Meet another ssset of twinsss under his employment."

She watched her brother poke and sift through his own box of jewels, tipping a small purse of raw diamonds into his palm. They cascaded through his fingers in a silvery rain, producing a crashing sound that pleased both of their ears.

It was not often that the King gave them valuables to play with, but when he did, it was a rare treat indeed. Useless to them beyond their fixating beauty, the Ra'zac made a habit of tossing, smashing, nibbling, and hoarding what any sane human would immediately sell. Gems seemed to be the only medium that could decently withstand their rough play, and had thus become their second form of payment beyond the obvious food deliveries.

The pair were still lounging in the Royal Treasury, perched upon the beautiful upholstery of the room's imported chairs. They'd chased the Treasurer out with a few halfhearted threats, and now sat toying with their prizes as Guile relayed the reason for their bestowment.

She mulled his words over for a few moments, tossing the ruby back and forth in a very expensive game of catch. "Do you think he has sssome sssort of fetish for this kind of thing?"

"Glint, shush! You have no idea what wallsss are enchanted and which are not; anyone could be listening in, even as we ssspeak."

She chuckled impishly, poking her barbed tongue out at his grimace. "You worry too much. Anyway, I don't really care if our almighty ruler has an obsession with identical setsss or whatever. I'm more interested in this bribe."

"Yeah, well . . ." he dropped the stones back into their pouch, closing the lid on the wooden box they'd come in. "Apparently, there'sss two guysss reporting in to the castle today. They've got a gig as Empirical Spiesss within the Varden, and I guesss they've come to present sssome information."

"The Varden?" Glint jolted up, a pile of pressed gold tipping out of their container and spilling across her thigh. "So they're not common cursss after all! Do you think these two are higher in statusss than us?"

"I don't know, to be honest. Galbatorix was infuriatingly vague as usual in the memo he sssent." The larger creature drew a scrap of parchment from his belt and began to recite the words in a nasally monotone. Glint snorted as she realized it was meant to be a mimicry of the King. _"Danger Glint and Austere Guile, two individuals will be arriving at the Receiving Hall this afternoon. They've just returned from their Espionage duties in the Varden and I think you are old enough to meet them without any altercations arising. There are some things you could learn from them, if all goes well. I expect that if your unbearable curiosity at the prospect does not persuade you to come, these baubles might. Do not disappoint me."_

"These baubles might indeed!" the female laughed, shaking her box. "Well, Gabby has nothing to worry about. If what he's sssaid is true, then I've got more than enough incentive to check these strangersss out."

Guile sighed in relief, pulling his hood up and glancing toward the door. "I was afraid I'd have to drag you there, sssister. It's good to finally have your cooperation on sssomething."

* * *

"Ugh, you've got blood on your beak!" Guile chittered, yanking his companion over to his side. Glint squirmed impatiently as her brother endeavored to smudge the gore off of her face, licking his thumb and scrubbing the gloved pad across the brunt of her snout.

"Why doesss your ssspit sssmell like parsley?" she groaned, trying to pull away from his grooming.

"Because, unlike you, I actually consider the fact that breathing flesh ssscent into a person'sss face may be offensive. Why do you think we ssstopped at the kitchen on our way here?" He nodded in satisfaction, having vanquished the stain. Looking her up and down one last time, he breathed another herb tinged sigh and shoved a piece of plant into her hand. "You'd do well to chew that up too. We want to make a good impression on these guysss, if only to please the King. You know what happened the last time we upset him."

"He killed the Throne Polisher in a fit of rage and promised to make our carapacesss into a beautiful set of armor," she recalled wistfully, munching on the verdant wad in obvious distaste. "Do you think he'd really do that?"

"I wouldn't put it past him. You have to admit, our shellsss would make any Knight of his quite dashing."

"Agreed."

Straightening her hood and making sure her scarves were in place, Guile found that he could do no more to prepare himself or his sister. "I sssuppose we can't ssstall thisss meeting any longer; let'sss go."

Taking her hand, the Ra'zac tugged her out of their hiding place in a shallow hallway alcove. A few yards away, two servicemen stared the pair down in blatant terror, startled by their sudden appearance. Glint leered at their horrified appraisal, prompting the men to skitter away in a rush of silk and tapping heels.

"I think it's an omen," she mused as they approached the foyer.

"What, those people you ssscared?"

"Yeah! Thisss meeting'sss going to be delightful."

"You're ssstrange."

"I know."

Pausing just around the corner, the twins crouched and leaned out a fraction to peer inside. The massive room was fairly empty, most of the King's supporters and dignitaries deployed on distant business. The few humans that milled about were quick of step and set on their paths, obviously occupied with a host of responsibilities. None spared the snooping Ra'zac a single glance, assured of their lofty position in the court and therefore off of the siblings' menu.

"I think I sssee them," Guile hissed. He crooked a finger at a distant bench, placed under the shadow of the towering staircase at the end of the room. Two bald men, identical in every way, occupied the seat. They wore the violet and gold robes of Royal Magicians and seemed to be deep in conversation, a host of scrolls and tomes open on their laps.

"They're magic usersss!" Glint observed, more curious now than ever. "Why would Gabby want us to meet with _them_?"

"I really wish you'd ssstop calling him that, especially in public."

"_No harm done, no punishment wrought."_ she quoted their parent's favorite phrase with malicious glee. "You have no power over me this time."

It was a rare day when Guile would skip a quarrel with his sister, but more pressing matters were currently at hand; he couldn't waste time bickering over such trivial things. Glowering, he settled for giving her lackadaisical cuff over the head. "Whatever, let'sss be good monstersss and introduce ourselvesss."

"Soundsss good."

They slid out from their hiding place like a pair of vengeful Liches. A few heads turned as they strode down the vast lobby, the metal plates on their boots producing a sharp, hollow cadence on the polished marble floors. Guile was the first to clear his throat as they paused near the Twins—although the gesture wasn't really necessary. The Ra'zac had commanded the attention of everyone in the room with their decisive stride, and now the robed brothers exchanged inquiring frowns with each other before looking back upon their guests.

"Can we help you?" one queried waspishly, making no effort at keeping the annoyance out of his voice.

"Actually-"

"You can. You sssee-"

"We were given ssstrict ordersss-"

"By the High King Galbatorix himself-"

"To meet with you this day-"

"And converse on termsss unknown to us."

"We assume that you-"

"Are more informed on this matter-"

"And we'd be much obliged-"

"If you could fill us in on the details."

That snagged their attention. Closing the book in his lap with a snap, the opposite Magician smiled wickedly. "So you're the assassins we're to talk with? I expected you to be taller . . . well, one of you, anyway."

Glint hissed, her eyes narrowing to chagrined slits within the obscuring gloom of her cowl. "And I expected you guysss to have more hair."

The air crackled with tension as a deep silence reeled itself out betwixt the pairs. After a moment, Guile chuckled with as much good humor as he could muster, easing himself in front of his sister. The Magicians' rapt attention immediately affixed itself on the taller sibling, still full of the hostility that Glint had managed to conjure.

"Look, we may jeer each other until the end of time, but when it comesss down to it, we're all ssservants of the guy with the Dragon by his ssside. What do you say we get hopping on those ordersss of his and make nice? I really wouldn't sssuggest displeasing him, but you probably already know that."

The hush lasted another few seconds, and then the brothers' nodded. "I am Tseten and this is Tsering. We are Empirical Mages for his Majesty."

"I am Austere Guile and this is Danger Glint. We are Empirical Assassins for his Majesty."

As soon as her counterpart had spoken his peace, Glint immediately opened her beak. "_Beautiful! N_ow that introductionsss are over, could sssomeone please explain why we're here?"

Tseten looked upon the female with flagrant distaste. "The King believes that we can teach you something about magic. We've been told that you're mentally unreceptive to all forms of it, but he's hoping that out particular skills will bring it out of you." Folding his pallid hands with exaggerated patience, he gave her a mirthless grin. "We'll see how it goes, but I do not have very high hopes for any improvement on your part."

"Let'sss change that, shall we?" Guile interjected loudly before his sister could damage the delicate situation any further. "Are we ssstarting today?"

The bald headed men exchanged bemused glances. "You do realize that it's the middle of the night?"

Glint tittered behind her brother, peeking out from around his shoulder and flashing the Twins a saw-toothed grin. "Yes, perfect! Let's get started."

* * *

The quartet found themselves in the Courtyard before long, bathed in the limpid glow of a crescent moon. The Ra'zac were far more at ease than their human companions, striding about the cobblestone walkways with a surefooted stride that only came with perfect night vision. Pausing near the burlap dummies that served as the local guard's training sector, they whirled about and stared their teachers down with expectant eyes.

"If you think you're the first instructorsss to try and teach us, then you're wrong," Glint informed them offhandedly. "Our master has brought us Alagasia'sss finest for yearsss, but none have managed to pierce the fog in our mindsss. What makesss you two think that you'll sssucceed where othersss have only _failed miserably_?"

"We have the King breathing down our necks for one."

"And so do you, for that matter."

She snickered, momentarily pacified by their wit. "Point taken. Now then, how are we going to ssstart thingsss off?"

"Like this," they answered in tandem, hairless heads inclining slightly. Cruel grins twisted their thin lips into frightful grimaces, foreheads wrinkling in concentration. Guile and his sibling shifted uncomfortably, perplexed by the other set's odd behavior.

"What's their problem?" Glint whispered.

"I . . . I don't really know."

Tseten was the first to break his odd trance, eyes glassy and disbelieving. A startlingly blue vein stood out on Tsering's head as he continued to struggle against an invisible force, but then he too admitted defeat with a gasp.

"So, it's true then," the latter admitted bitterly. "No Mage can find their way into your memories, recent or otherwise."

"Is that what you were doing?" Guile snorted, containing himself even as Glint howled with raucous laugher.

"I thought I warned you about that already? You guysss are going to kill yourselvesss!" she sputtered between giggles. "Man, your facesss! And people tell us that _we're_ hard on the eyes."

The Twins' mood seemed to only worsen, if that was at all possible. "It was simply a preliminary measure. We wanted to make sure you're not filled with as much hot air as you look."

She wrestled her fit under control, hiccupping with the effort it took. Guile patted her on the back and shook his head, far less amused than she.

"Hot air aside, it seemsss you've made sssure of our honesty. Now what? My sister'sss right, ill argued as her viewsss may be. This is going to be a waste of all our time unlesss you've got sssomething ssspecial up those purple sleevesss of yoursss'."

"And you're sure that you can do no magic, despite your mental handicap?"

"Nope, never have and probably never will. There'sss sssomething about our speciesss that makes us resistant to all that nasty enchanting businesss. To be honest, we're rather happy with the whole sssituation."

"Yeah, this seemsss like an error of judgment on the King'sss behalf," the female added suspiciously. "Why would he want to obliterate one of our finer pointsss? It's our protected mindsss that make us so useful to him."

The brothers looked even more pale than usual, Tseten going so far as to take a step back. "That's ridiculous! Why would your master find such a quality valuable? It's a hindrance more than anything else."

"Damn, who'sss full of hot air now?" Glint shrieked, clawing at her brother's arm. "Give me that note of yoursss, brother." The Ra'zac complied, fishing the scrap out of his pocket and handing it over to her grabby hands. She scanned it for a moment, flipping it this way and that before giving a triumphant cluck. "Ahah, I'm sssurprised Guile didn't notice this before. Where'sss the royal ssseal on this note? _You know, the ssstamp of the King'sss ring?"_

"What, really?" he chittered, leaning in to see for himself. "But it smellsss just like Galbatorix."

Glint brought her furious gaze level with the aghast pair. "You sssick bastardsss. What did you do, sssteal this paper from his office?"

"They must have been after our thoughtsss for information, or perhapsss they were trying to kill us?" her sibling offered icily.

The bald men looked to be choking on their own breath, close set eyes darting for a means of escape. "I'm sure we can work something out." Tsering stuttered after no close routs presented themselves.

"Yes, a deal! Nobody needs to know about this; it will only cause trouble for you."

The Ra'zac glanced at each other, calculating the possibilities. "Those gemsss you gave us earlier-"

"They're yours, you may have them all!"

Glint grinned maliciously, leaving her brother's side to stalk up to the Magicians. "That'sss nice, but there'sss just one little thing that needsss doing. . ."

* * *

Later that day, a guard would find two men, bald and unclothed, tied to the practicing dummies. Even under his gentle questioning, neither would say a word about what had transpired, fleeing the Courtyard immediately after being cut down.

Some distance away, the Lethrblaka returned to Helgrind just before dawn broke, their bellies stuffed with a variety of men and beasts. The massive creatures found their children fast asleep within their nest, nestled within bed of what they agreed to be very fine velvet.

It had been a very good night, all things considered.


End file.
